I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
