My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
