I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
