Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
