maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
