She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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