I puked a lego.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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