so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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