So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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