I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
time to smoke my breakfast
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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