Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
