Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
