woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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