haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
