: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We need to get me chipped asap
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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