all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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