just tell him i said nine months
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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