yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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