We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
