hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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