I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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