Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize