also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
