You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
