i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
