Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
