She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
