I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
