I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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