Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
