direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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