Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
