we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
