I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
