i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
