I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
