i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
