I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The adults are the big ones right?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
