The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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