You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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