how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
