I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
