Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have aggressive nipples.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
