The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
