i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
