Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
