Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
