i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
