Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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