He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
