how can u be prego again
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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