Im at strip club and am horny
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
