i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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