so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
