so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
