I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
