The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
