Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
