I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
