he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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