We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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