It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
this hospital has no fireball
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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