Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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