She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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