last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
