yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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