She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
