i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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