P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
