the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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